Us vs. Them in Occupations

I discussed in a previous blog post about the (very human) tendency to group people into “us” versus “them.” I wanted to reiterate that this doesn’t just happen based on sex or race. It also happens in the workplace. Here are some examples that I’ve heard of face-to-face or through the media. AVOID EXPRESSIONS LIKE THIS LIKE THE PLAGUE. LANGUAGE LIKE THIS INFLUENCES THE MIND IN SUBTLE, HARMFUL WAYS.

Field	Us	Us Example	Them	Them Example
Construction	Skilled	Electricians, carpenters, drywall installers, masons…	Unskilled	Doctors, lawyers…
Engineering	Professional	Architects, civil engineers, structural engineers…	Non-professional	Programmers, teachers, administrative assistants …
Police	Law Enforcement	Sheriff	Civilians	Criminal
Banking	Bankers	Traders		Muppets

Thank you and I’m Sorry

I’ve been working on doing a better job thanking people for the kind things they’ve done for me. This includes writing thank you notes. After watching a Ted video, it occurred to me that writing an apology follows a very similar formula. Since I make plenty of mistakes, I thought it would be good to make a comparison chart for quick reference next time I need such a note.

	Thank you	Apology
Opening	Thank you for the… I am grateful for… I am thankful for… I appreciate the…	I wanted to write you a letter tell you how sorry I am for what I did last night.
Event	Describe the gift or the act.	Describe what you did wrong. Be descriptive and complete.
Impact	How the gift was useful or will be useful. What is the positive impact?	Acknowledge their feelings. Tell them that you understand why your actions were hurtful and that your intentions were not to hurt them.
Past	Does history indicate some good characteristic of the person? Can you generalize?	What are all the good things they’ve done for you in the past that makes your action even less excusable? Thank them.
The Future	(optional) Will you be in a position to reciprocate? How? Invite them to dinner?	Can anything be done to make amends? What are you going to do differently in the future to prevent similar mistakes?

Society tends to train us:

• To feel entitled to the good things we get from others. Why thank someone when you deserved it?
• To apologize makes you look weak. The weak get taken advantage of.
• To admit you don’t know makes you look stupid and lowers your social status.

Good people say thank you. Good people apologize. Good people admit when there’s an opportunity to learn.